My Friday started like any other Friday and then took a turn for the worse… Let’s start back last Saturday… my fiance got a new car! Woo-hoo! Then Friday happened, and someone ran into his brand new truck. womp womp womp. It was a hit and run! So sucky, I found out while at work through a text message. Luckily, no one was in the car. Emotions were running high, outbursts were made, yelling, screaming.. the whole nine yards. Looking back on how we both reacted we came to a conclusion… we really really really needed to change how we reacted to things, if we don’t change those reactions then our sweet little nugget will learn from our responses and behavior and act that way too. And that is not what I want. I am a hot head, I burst out and sometimes can’t control what I do or say. I always try to apologize afterwards, but during the initial moment, there is nothing I can do to stop it. I am not making excuses, I am far from perfect… but I know now that I really need to change this. I need to grow up and act like an adult. I can’t be throwing tantrums and then try to teach my son to not throw tantrums. That is too hypocritical. I know, he will throw tantrums no matter what, that there will be some days when I will still explode, but if I keep working on it, I think I can then show through my actions how to respond to something negative or something I don’t like in a better manner. My son looks up to me and his father, and I do not want us to be the blame for him not being able to control his temper, I am sure that is every parents worst fear… their children not being able to handle their emotions and then doing something bad… like really bad.

So here is to all the people out there fighting their emotions, not sure what to do with everything, things keep getting bottled up inside! Deep breaths, think calming thoughts, blow out the bad and inhale the good. Doubt that will always work… but hey, worth a shot? I am still trying to figure out what I can do to make sure I am not such a hot head.

I also want to apologize to my mom, who sometimes reads my blog, I know I can be a huge bitch, and I know you get most of the bitchiness thrown at you.. I really am sorry. I am working on it. I do respect you, even if I don’t always show it. I look up to you in every way.. almost every way, not really the whole speaking and then suddenly just stopping in the middle of a sentence because you had a brain fart- I just don’t like the fact that I am doing it too! I respect you, I love you, and I am so sorry. So here is a shout out to my momma, please take me off your “shit list.” I effed up, I am rude, I am sleep deprived.. I need to stop making excuses. But I promise I will work on my attitude.

Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, I am SORRY!

I love you…