Dear Coffee,

I know you are not that good for me. In fact, there is a lot of research out there that states breastfeeding moms should not have coffee due to blah blah blah reasons. I used to not consume coffee or any caffeine. But then, along came this little nugget that demands my attention ALL the time and demands that I am awake. So, please explain to me how I am supposed to give him my attention when I am a walking zombie? Coffee wakes me up! It makes me a more pleasant person, and better yet, I don’t need to drink thaaaaaat much in order to be so. I know that you can drink a certain amount, if my early brain remembers correctly it is less than 300mL… But how is one supposed to know how much caffeine is in a cup of coffee they made? It’s all guesstimates. 

But what I can say is that coffee, oh dear coffee, you have changed me! Before I was nervous to even drive because I almost fell asleep at the wheel. How terrible! So instead of falling asleep, I would lightly tap my cheek.. To passerbys it looked like I was slapping myself. Damn straight, I was slapping myself to stay awake! Or singing loudly… Of course singing songs like “the wheels on the bus go round and round” so I can entertain my son and stay awake. Driving is an automatic reflex for me, especially since we take the same route to work (aka my parents house where I work out of), and even though I don’t drive an automatic car– it still is a drag! You would think driving manual would be exciting and fun! But that excitement left the building when I got knocked up and delivered… I think it is frowned upon to race your car with a baby in the belly or car. I’m totally ok with that, but sometimes I just need to let loose! (sans baby) I need to drive like a race car driver. 

With those kinds of feelings, it’s even more of a downer that I am currently looking for a “mom” car or a more “family” car. *sigh* I’m not getting rid of my (let’s call it) race car… I am adding to my collection. Just looking for a cheap-ish car that can haul the baby and the baby gear without being crammed, get better gas mileage than my current car and looks somewhat nice. I sound like a spoiled brat, and I will be the first (maybe second or third) to admit I am a little spoiled. I am a little bit of a brat. I was raised by a middle class family- with the finer things in life. I lived in beautiful homes that weren’t mansions but good size homes and they were in great neighborhoods. I didn’t have to worry about walking down the street and witnessing gang violence or drug users… I am thankful for not being around that kind of life. But that also means that I like nicer things, and no, I did not get everything I asked for– I had to work for what I wanted. I understand the cost of a dollar, I’ve worked since I was 15, when I graduated high school I was working two part time jobs back to back; starting at 6am and ending at 9pm. I have a great work ethic thanks to my parents. That work ethic allowed me the finer things in life, which brings me back to my pickiness of cars. I don’t want to spend a whole lot, but I don’t want a junker. I want to be proud of what I drive around in, even if it is only a stepping stone car. 

This was all ramble ramble coffee jumbo! (Last sentence written as I’m laying in bed getting ready to go to sleep… I got way off topic of my coffee letter, but great transition! Hah)