What was I thinking? Putting my ELEVEN week old in his crib to sleep the night away? For some odd reason I woke up from passing out on the couch, albeit watching American Idol, and he was asleep too, and said “we should put him in his crib.” I immediately regretted saying those words. But it was too late. It was out in the universe. So we set him down in his crib and I solemnly dragged my feet to my own room and layed down under the covers.
I rolled over to look at the baby monitor, ran into his room and readjusted the blanket on him to be tucked in to the crib and not loose around him. Then I slowly walked back and layed back down. Watching him on the monitor again. My fiancé comes walking in and lays down next to me. I roll over and try to go to sleep but instead start rambling.
“I’m not ready for him to sleep in his own room. I need him next to me. I feel really weird. I want to get him and bring him back.”
He replies, “you were the one that told me to put him in his crib, he looks so comfortable right now. You will have a chance to bring him back in the room with us in a few hours when he wakes up.”
My body stiffened, “what if something falls on his face and he suffocates?! I mean I don’t think anything could, there is nothing there, but what if? And then he is so far away I can’t make it there in time and he dies? He is just too young. He isn’t even three months old! What was I even thinking putting him in there?!”
We were silent for a few minutes… I sniffle, contemplate bringing him in, but just stare at the wall; facing my consequence. “You know, I am probably going to just lose sleep over this because I am now no longer tired and am just worried sick that he is so far away.” (Mind you, dear readers, the nugget is all of twelve feet away in the next room.)
My fiancé sighs… “Would you like me to bring him in here and set him in the bassinet?” I reply, “kinda, but like uhh…” He cuts me off, “you need to say ‘yes, I would like you to bring him in.'”
I cut him off before he can finish and say, “YES! Bring him in!!! Please please please!”
He brings him in and lays him down; my heart immediately stops pounding, my body unstiffens, breathing turns to normal and tears start flowing. I am no longer in panic mode. I realize that I am just not ready for my little nugget to sleep away from me. I get so much comfort from hearing him breathe next to me that I just can’t bare to have that taken away just yet. I realize, one day, we will have to put him in his own room… But not tonight!
I fall asleep less than two minutes later with a smile on my face, knowing my nugget is safe and sound next to me in his bassinet.
All is right in the world.