You can’t take a day off from being a parent. This is a full time job. I feel terrible for saying it, but I’m gonna say it anyway. I just want a day off. I feel like I’m losing myself. These long days hanging out with the nugget are great, but at some point I just don’t know what to do anymore. I shower when I can, I put makeup on barely NEVER… My hair is a mess, my legs are hairy and I smell. I don’t even know what I smell like but I’m sure it’s pretty bad. He has been so fussy lately and I am just trying to stay alive. I’m tired, my head hurts, depression feels like it is creeping in. work is slowing down and therefore I’m making little to no money. The stress is so real, and I feel so alone. I just want to be able to have a day where I can sleep in to whenever I want, shower for however long I want without having to poke my head out to make sure the nugget isn’t crying and I want to binge watch Netflix. I want to eat anything and everything I can get my hands on without gaining weight (hah this is every women’s fantasy, I should think), I just want a day to myself. Maybe even go get my nails and toes done, get a massage… I just want a day without spit ups, leaky boobs, clingy baby (who we suspect might be teething soon but he could be too young, I think it’s quite a long process so it could be possible), no pumping necessary and no troubles about money.

I don’t think this makes me a bad person for wishing this. I just am still adjusting to this new life of parenthood. I know it isn’t about me anymore, it’s about my nugget, but what about my sanity? It’s floating away and rising higher and higher, I don’t know if I can jump up to catch it. 

And no, I can’t hire a babysitter, with no money coming in, I can’t have money going out. *sigh* such is life

Any parents out there know how to deal with this? This isn’t an every day feeling at all, i just feel like I’m in a slump. And I don’t want to do anything but I want to be productive, I just have no will power to do it. 

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