It took me seven weeks to finally ask for help from my significant other. I almost threw away our relationship because I thought he just wasn’t interested in being a dad. Then I realized that I had pushed him away and made sure he knew I was going to do everything and he didn’t need to help with diaper changes or anything. I thought I could handle it; I would get annoyed when he did something that wasn’t to my standards. So I pushed him away, farther and farther away, and made myself believe he just didn’t want to be there for me or my son. Those seven weeks put our relationship to a huge test, it was the worst seven weeks of our lives.
So when I discussed these issues with some family members, they told me I needed to communicate my feelings and ask for help. So simple, I know! I’m just not one to ask for help or admit defeat. I thought I could do it all by myself, but I couldn’t. So after a few talks with my family on how to approach this subject I came up with a plan. This plan unfortunately never went into play.
Here’s how it really went down:
I came home and was still teary eyed from the car ride back from work, still emotional and he sensed that. Asked what was wrong and I broke down. I apologized for how I was acting and asked if he could help more. This was met with an “of course! I want to help, you just didn’t seem to want it all.” And that was very true. The conversation ended in hugs. But it wasn’t nearly done yet.
Fast forward a few hours and I’m feeding our son and I break down again. I tell him I need to get my sanity back, I need more sleep and I need him to step up. I told him how when he goes to work he gets to get away and have his “me” time, when he gets to surf he gets his “me” time, but for me, I don’t get any “me” time. I have a little one attached to me always. (Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my son to death and would go to hell and back for him, but I’m going a little insane.) I told my significant other how I needed him to watch our son and let me go out and hang out with a friend just for a few hours. And I did just that the next day, but not before handing over our son and making him sleep out on the couch so I could have to bed to myself for the night. It was much needed rejuvenation. Now hear me out, I didn’t make them sleep on the couch, I just asked if he would take him out to the living room while he was still awake and being noisy and they just ended up falling asleep out there. I got such great sleep. And then the next day, I went to a friends house where we walked to Pizza Port for a beer and a nice chat. I was only gone for about three hours, but that was the longest three hours ever! I couldn’t wait to get my little nugget back in my arms!! Funny how that is, I want to get away because I’m going insane but just a few hours away diminishes even the strongest.
When I got home I felt great, and still feel great because now I don’t feel like I am doing everything myself, I have my partner helping me. We have come to compromises and definitely had little arguments here and there, but the communication line is wide open and strong.
We have never been this strong before. And I am so happy with how things are going. I feel like we can do this.
So if you ever feel down or like you are going insane or you need help, definitely communicate your feelings. People are there to help. They know that raising a baby is tough, if you keep your emotions bottled up, you are going to crash and burn.