It’s my first night alone… With just me and my son. No grandma upstairs, just a call away to come and help, no significant other laying down beside me to help or motivate me to get up… Just me. This is a test. Can I make it through the night? 

Why do I always worry so much? I worry I will lose my milk supply. I worry I will start smoking again. I worry I will make the wrong decisions in life. I worry I will stay with the dad when really maybe I shouldn’t. I worry I’m not a good enough mom, that I won’t be able to provide the kind of life I want to give him and he deserves. I worry this new job won’t work out and I will forever be stuck doing meaningless restaurant jobs and never have a career. I worry that I will never be able to save my money and it will forever just dwindle into dust. I worry I will get into a big accident on one certain street because it nearly happened a week before I delivered my son. I worry that I will drop my son and his head will explode like a watermelon. And currently the biggest worry is that he slept too much during the day and we will be up all night…

I worry too damn much. But I can’t help it. 

All that worrying for nothing. He woke up once to eat.. And then slept through the night till 6:45am! I know these nights are far and few between, but it was so nice to have a good night with just us. We went to sleep a little after 10pm, I woke up at 2, and just had to pump, I was about to burst. I really didn’t want to get up, but it’s a good thing I did. I pumped 7 oz!! Ok, so I don’t have excess of milk, but I’m not in a shortage. So I’m lucky there. But I still worry I will lose my milk so I always stay hydrated and feed/pump often. So I pumped and then I finished around 2:20am and then little man woke up like 30 minutes later… OF COURSE! lol spent the next 34 minutes eating what he could get and then went back to sleep like a good milk drunk baby 🙂 

Overall, a great night! So to recap from what happened yesterday, he slept a lot of the day.. I had him strapped to my chest in the baby ergo while  I was doing work on my computer. And he was so comfortable he slept a lot of the day. I thought it was going to effect his night sleep, but who am I kidding?? He’s a 6 week old baby, getting too much sleep is impossible for him! Thank god!! 

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