I am a first time mom, and still brand new to everything, but I have caught on pretty quickly, or so I would like to think. While pregnant I didn’t ever read any books on what to expect, instead I browsed Pinterest and read articles and asked other moms for their advice. I did not make my fiancé read or learn about anything about having a baby since he always brags about raising his sisters. Well, he may have raised them, but not till they were toddlers or older. Therefore, he had and still doesn’t have much of an idea on how to care for our newborn son. I was too passive and didn’t want to start a fight by asking him to read up on what to expect, or to understand what I was going through during pregnancy. We don’t fight much, and that I because I let things go and keep quiet.
But after giving birth and having to be up all day and night getting 2 hours of sleep every here and there, well that kind of patience does not stick around. I bitch and complain and throw tantrums and make him do things I never used to do. He just stares at me and asks “who are you? You never were a worry wart… You never did this or this or that.” Well, I also was never a mom and I expect things to go differently. I’ve told him my nonstop bitching and freak outs is due to the insane hormones I have as well as the lack of sleep. He says he understands, but I doubt he fully does.
What really irks me is when I am laying next to him in bed, and our little one is in his bassinet and he starts crying, I am the one that has to get up to feed and change him. Sure, my fiancé can’t breastfeed, but he just gets to sleep. And he has the nerve in the morning to complain about not getting enough sleep and how can he function? That is when I want to punch him in the balls! He has every right to go out to the living room and sleep on the couch, but no, instead one night he tells me to go out there with the baby and feed him. I was FURIOUS!
But you know what, that request was actually a God sent! I walked out to the couch and brought everything I needed and continued feeding my little monster who grunts really loud at night when i feed him. And being out there, I didn’t have to worry about keeping him so quiet and worry about him waking up dad.
I actually got better sleep out on the couch away from my fiancé, I was able to coo and talk to my little one without having to worry about waking up the sleeping bear. This continued on for two nights, and I realized that I felt more rested, had a much better night and was able to talk to my baby and move about freely and I wasn’t such a grouch in the morning or so mad at my fiancé for being able to sleep through the night.
Silly me, I decided last night I wouldn’t move to the living room and just decided to stay in bed. And it was a terrible night! I couldn’t coo my baby, I felt like I was trapped into silence and just tiptoeing around the big bear. (It’s not like he is mean and tells us to be quiet, it’s just when he wakes up in the night and talks, he comes off as a jerk and I like to imagine throwing things at him).
So in conclusion, I am going to sleep out in the living room and feed and do my thing so I can keep my sanity.
What I learned:
- Do what works for you
- Keep a routine
- Realize mistakes will be made
- People that are lacking of sleep are hard to deal with
- A newborn really does test the limits of a relationship
- Ask for help when you need it.